Seriously, we get a little bit of freezing rain and everyone decides to either a) drive like fucking Mach 3 or b) drive like they are a float in a parade and go -10 km/hr. Excellent. Both are extremely hazardous to both the general public, and most importantly, my sanity. I'm teetering on the edge here! Do you KNOW how close it is to Valentine's Day? That alone immediately adds 20 mental health deterioration points to an unattached girl's psyche.
At work, there is this girl. Who I will refer to for all intensive purposes as The Hypochondriac. To be clear, we loaaathe The Hypochondriac. She is neighbours or lives in the same building as a very nice girl who I often sit with at lunch, and since The Hypochondriac is socially inept and has not yet grasped such skills as interacting with other humans, chewing with mouth cavity closed, or otherwise functioning as a member of society, she tends to drive people away. Usually after one break or lunch, her poor victim(s) will go out of their way to never sit with or near her again. You get the picture.
Anyway.
Since The Hypo. is in such dire social circumstances, she has decided that her neighbour is her last resort before she has to sit alone, so she's decided to impose her sunny personality on our table. Love. Ly.
After a brief introduction, she wastes no time launching into the various medical issues ailing her, past, present, and what she will probably contract in the future. Some of the more notable ones that I caught when I was unable to block out her droning include; an overactive bladder, hemorrhoids and random anal bleeding (super), tonsilitis, heavy menstrual flow with odd chunks (not even fucking kidding), a cold or flu "basically every other day", as well as pink eye, excessive bruising, migraines, and spider veins.
If you just vomited, I'll give you a minute to go freshen up. Imagine trying to continue eating your lunch while these and other conditions were being described in graphic detail. Thanks anyway, but I'd rather not hear about how puss is drained from your eye with a syringe. I will never be able to enjoy lemon yogurt again, I can say that much.
Honestly, every god damn day I see her whining to someone about some freak disease or sniffle or something. TAKE. A. FUCKING. SICK. DAY.
I can't believe someone hasn't taken it upon themselves to put her out of her misery already... good god.
It's only Monday. YAY.
At work, there is this girl. Who I will refer to for all intensive purposes as The Hypochondriac. To be clear, we loaaathe The Hypochondriac. She is neighbours or lives in the same building as a very nice girl who I often sit with at lunch, and since The Hypochondriac is socially inept and has not yet grasped such skills as interacting with other humans, chewing with mouth cavity closed, or otherwise functioning as a member of society, she tends to drive people away. Usually after one break or lunch, her poor victim(s) will go out of their way to never sit with or near her again. You get the picture.
Anyway.
Since The Hypo. is in such dire social circumstances, she has decided that her neighbour is her last resort before she has to sit alone, so she's decided to impose her sunny personality on our table. Love. Ly.
After a brief introduction, she wastes no time launching into the various medical issues ailing her, past, present, and what she will probably contract in the future. Some of the more notable ones that I caught when I was unable to block out her droning include; an overactive bladder, hemorrhoids and random anal bleeding (super), tonsilitis, heavy menstrual flow with odd chunks (not even fucking kidding), a cold or flu "basically every other day", as well as pink eye, excessive bruising, migraines, and spider veins.
If you just vomited, I'll give you a minute to go freshen up. Imagine trying to continue eating your lunch while these and other conditions were being described in graphic detail. Thanks anyway, but I'd rather not hear about how puss is drained from your eye with a syringe. I will never be able to enjoy lemon yogurt again, I can say that much.
Honestly, every god damn day I see her whining to someone about some freak disease or sniffle or something. TAKE. A. FUCKING. SICK. DAY.
I can't believe someone hasn't taken it upon themselves to put her out of her misery already... good god.
It's only Monday. YAY.
